Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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