Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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