he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
