oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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