it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
