A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
