I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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