cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
