I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
