I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
