we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
where does the pee come out of this thing
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
