Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
