Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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