The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you had me at cake vodka
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
