There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
