I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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