I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
