i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
