He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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