Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
