I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
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Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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