Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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