i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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