you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
