She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
