No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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