my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
