Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I have fence marks all over my body
you made out with another girl for some wings
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
