That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
