final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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