if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
