but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
one two three fourrrrnication!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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