tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
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"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
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Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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