I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
