At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
