why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
