Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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