so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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