and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
