we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
