It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
