dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
