I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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