Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she smelled like a LAN party
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
