All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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