my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
