Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
