when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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