i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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