i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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