The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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