My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
