I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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