Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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