Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Someone shit on the floor
why do cheetos always look like penises
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
