there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
