There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
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Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
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there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize