I cockslap morals
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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