watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
