Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
