Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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