She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
