Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
