he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
