it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
