my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Randomize
