i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
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My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
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some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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