Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
