And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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