im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
