oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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